Today I want to share something with you that one of my clients, told me during our first session together: "I used to feel so sure, but now I am feeling helpless. What can I do to get my confidence back, so I don't feel so incapable anymore? What happened to me? This feeling scares me."
Do you recognize this? Have you been there too? Very often expat partners feel incapable in many areas of their lives. We start questioning our ability, intelligence and strengths and our future. When you feel inadequate, you have feelings such as anxiety, anger, disappointment, hopelessness and fear of failure. You feel as if you cannot progress anymore, yes, you're stuck. And what do you do? You do everything you can to seem as though you have it all together. You keep up the image of the fun and happy Expat partner, wife and mother
The challenge for all of us is that our roles change continually; it's hard to understand where we fit in. You'll have to learn more and learn faster than ever, to stay afloat.
Learn? Yes learn! When you feel confident and capable, the world is yours. It's a loop, the more competence you have, the more competent you feel in trying new things and taking on new and bigger challenges, and the more you do that, the more competent you feel. You feel that you can handle the problems. But if you don't pay attention to problems or challenges, this can lead to procrastination. You focus on the easy things and you become a slave of safety. Have you ever been there?
A sense of pride and progress is crucial to feeling competent. Throughout your lifetime you had tens of thousands of wins. Most of them you've barely noticed and that's a shame. I am sure you are an amazingly successful person, but you don't feel like that anymore. You are not letting yourself feel the wins.
I have an exercise for you: sit down and write out every accomplishment you have made in the last decade of your life. Write down all your "win memories", write down every new skill you developed, every book you remember reading, every course you remember taking, every performance appraisal you had. Did you ever integrated your successes in your mind? And now I have a second exercise for you. I'd like you to start keeping a journal. Every day you write down your "wins" and notice what you have learnt and how you have progressed.
Along with the win-memory activity, you will start seeing you as a successful learner, then you can start making you feel competent and in the end alive and accomplished.
Feel free to share your experience with us. Leave a comment below. Success!!